


And I Wanna Get Up, To The Rhythm of a Wild Heart

by pjobroadwayslut14



Category: The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue Series - Mackenzi Lee
Genre: Angst, Drinking to Cope, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Percy is dead, Suicidal Thoughts, really sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:35:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27503176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pjobroadwayslut14/pseuds/pjobroadwayslut14
Summary: After Percy's death on the Eleftheria, Monty has a really hard time with his mourning. One night he has a dream. A dream of someone he thought he would never see again. He dreams of Percy.Based on and Title from "Like A River Runs" by Sia and Bleachers.
Relationships: Felicity Montague & Henry "Monty" Montague, Henry "Monty" Montague/Percy Newton
Comments: 5
Kudos: 13





	And I Wanna Get Up, To The Rhythm of a Wild Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all ! This is the first thing I have ever written so please leave feedback !! 
> 
> For this piece, please read the tags.
> 
> TW // Suicidal Thoughts, Thoughts of Alcoholism, Major Character Death
> 
> For enhanced experience, listen to the song "Like a River Runs" by Sia and Bleachers as you read !!
> 
> enjoy <3

As I stumble down the ladder to our sleeping quarters on the Eleftheria, my feet feel as if they are made of lead. As if at any second I could fall off the ladder, subsequently breaking the floor and plummeting into the ocean. All my clothes itch and I want nothing more than to rip them off, until I remember that Feli will be down in an hour or two. Felicity. We haven’t spoken in 4 days, since everything went down. Then, my abusive brain causes a flash of images in the backs of my eyes.

“Let her through!”

“Monty, I need you to move.”

“Why is he breathing like that?”

The way she ripped me away from him. How she held him after. I didn’t get to say goodbye.

The distraction in combination with my bleary eyes, a result of zero sleep for the past nights, cause me to trip over myself. I chuckle quietly to myself. I can’t even stand up straight, how am I supposed to live on without him? I’m pathetic. Laying here against the cold planks, tears in my eyes, I ponder the ocean below me. There is nothing I hate more than getting wet, but the feeling of the cold darkness washing over me, whisking me away to him, is a release I can only dream of. After a while, it occurs to me that it doesn’t have to be a dream. That I can easily make it real, which is an idea I haven’t had since the time I spent in Cheshire with my father. As if on cue, my body yearns for a drink, a feeling that hasn’t popped up since our tour. I immediately remember the reason I decided to stay sober, and I scold myself. How could I have already forgotten him? I decide to stop thinking, though it’s not much of a decision, as the tears have already taken over my ability to think at all. I close my eyes on the hard floor, subjecting myself to the inky blackness of sleep.

When I regain consciousness, I fully expect to still be face down on the floor of my sleeping quarters. What I do not expect is the sound of birds chirping, the smell of grass, and the warmth on my face, a stark contrast from the cold planks of the Eleftheria. I open my eyes with a start, and seem to be facing my father’s house. All of a sudden I remember exactly where I am, and I bolt up so quick, I think I might fall fully forward onto my knees. My surroundings are all too familiar. What isn’t is the pain that does not shoot through my body as I do so. A hand softly comes to rest on the small of my back. I know that hand, but it can’t be. Whatever god there is must be playing a sick joke on me.  _ Not very funny _ , I think. 

“Monty, please calm down.”

My head swerves over so fast I believe that I could have broken my neck. When I look him over, I anticipate to be seeing the Percy from that day, laying on the grass in my father's lawn, the day I came home from Eton. But that’s not it. He looks the same as he did all the weeks we spent together in London. The same played over look of concern I know all too well. Now that I’ve confirmed this is really real, that this is my Percival Newton, I all but throw myself at him. No, no, scratch that. I absolutely throw myself at him. Excuse me for my utter lack of manners but I assume if you had seen the love of your life after believing you never would again, you could understand. Percy takes me in his arms, holding me so tight, I don’t believe he will ever let go, not that I ever want him to. I could stay here forever, not speaking, in the warm sun of spring with only the symphony of the birds around us. So familiar, yet so bright and new. 

“I was so ready darling.”, he whispers in my ear. Right ear. My hand flies to my face and I almost laugh with joy when I find it fully intact, no scarring whatsoever. It seems as if everything is as it should be. Me in his arms, not missing any body parts.

“Ready for what, Perce?”

“For us. Our life. It had just begun.”

The words hit me so hard, the fact that I didn’t combust is shocking. I instinctively hold him tighter, unable to fight the tears making their way down my face in steady waves. He pulls away and wipes them gone. Just as he always did. He must have decided fighting them is futile, as he doesn’t even attempt to get them off as three times the previous amount trace down my cheeks. 

“Do you remember what I told you the first time we were here?”

“Well you certainly expressed your hatred for Richard Peele, and quite colorfully, I might add.”

“Monty, I’m being serious.”. The tone he uses is one he hadn’t used regularly, stern and warning. It is easily enough to shut me up.   
  


“I gave you a list, an important one. Five reasons not to be dead.”

I shake my head dutifully, from where it has shifted to rest on his chest. So thick, so real. So here.

“I need you to remember that list. Just because I’m gone-”

As soon as the words leave his mouth, I cut him off. 

“Percy-”

The way he speaks next stings my heart. So pained, as if it was the last thing he ever wanted to say, because I knew it was.

“Monty, please. Now that I’m gone, I can’t have you trying to come get me. I need you to live. If I am the reason your life ends, swear it, I will never forgive myself.”

I turn so that my chin digs into his chest to look him in the eyes.

“Percy. You are my life. You know damn well you are the only reason I’m still here. If you aren’t here, what do I have?”

He thinks for a moment, scrunching up his face the way it always does when he is deep in thought.

“When you leave, every life you have ever touched with your light will feel it. Felicity, Scipio, Georgie. You could be for them what I was for you.”

His use of the past tense makes me wince. He must have felt it, for he holds me tighter. Percy sits up, taking me with him so I’m strewn across his lap, my arms around his neck. My hands find their way to his hair. God, this could be the last time I get to feel his perfect curls. I spend a moment taking him in. He’s so beautiful. The masterpiece of freckles under his eyes that I’ve spent many lazy mornings worshipping as he slept. 

“I love you so much, Monty. There won’t ever be a time where I don’t.”

“I love you too Perce.”

My voice comes out shaky, which makes him grin. He places his hands on the sides of my face and kisses me so sweetly and tenderly, it prompts me to smile for the first time in all the days I’ve spent in the dark without his light. My eyes close and the warmth of his soft lips on mine slowly fades.

My eyes open and I smile, anticipating the gentle smile that always played on his lips after our kisses. When I register my surroundings, a loud sob escapes my lips. It’s dark and cold, just as my life will forever be without him near. Felicity stumbles out of our shared pallet, almost stepping on me as she does so. I don’t find myself caring, as I am hysteric with sobbing. She sinks down next to me, leaning on the pallet she just emerged from. I don’t realize she is there until she wraps her arms around me, stroking my hair and shushing me softly. In any other circumstance, I would have laughed in your face if you described our current position, but here I am. Here we are. Together.

“I’m so sorry Monty.”   
  


“Why? What have you done to me.”

I hear her suck in her breath, which is a wonder since I am still absolutely beside myself.

  
  


“I let him die. He is gone and I could have stopped it and I didn’t. I killed him, Monty. Don’t you see? And now we are estranged, so I have lost not only Percy, but you also.”

I feel her place her hands over her mouth, as if this is the first time she has thought about this, which I know it’s not.

“Felicity, stop. Please. None of that is true.”

“Well you certainly seem to think so. You have been ignoring me for 4 days.”, she wipes her nose on her sleeve to combat the sniffles that were placed evenly throughout her statement.

I sit up to look at her, my crying and hysterics having subsided.

“I know, and I am sorry.”

She looks up at this, a mix of concern and questioning in her eyes as she does.

“Why are you apologizing?”

“Because it wasn’t your fault. Sincerely, and I know that now. What would Percy say if he heard you talking like that?”

She glances at her hands in her lap with a mild grin on her face.

“He would say I am being ridiculous, and that I am reminding him of you.”

Now it was my turn to smile.

“Exactly, and we all know the number one rule.”

Twin grins spread across our faces and at the same time we say;

“Never aggravate Percy Newton.”

The muted laughter that shakes through the room has been rare, but tonight it is welcomed entirely. When I ask her if she would be ok if I hugged her, she doesn’t even let me answer. Her arms wrap around my neck and I savor this feeling. The warmth of a loved one’s arms, because I didn’t think I would feel it ever again. For the first time in several days, the cold in my soul has been replaced with something forgotten. Something warm and bright. Something she knew I needed. Something he would forever give.

Love and understanding.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this absolute angst-fest ! Please leave kudos or a comment ! I would really appreciate feedback because, as I said, this is my first ever writing. Have a good one !!


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